Should be a happy day

I made a cup of Chinese herb plum tea for myself, tea, sweet and a little bit sourer, feels really good.

I went run for 4000m last night, the first part was hard, after 6 rounds I seemed used to it.

Our TV channel was not working last night, called the technical support, they said something is wrong with the cable, after reset the box, everything seemed fine. But after another 15 minute, it dead as we experienced last time. Guess we have to call them again at tonight. Hopefully it can be solved this time. One of our over heater is dead too. The price between CA and US has the big difference. We have to ordered online, LG make some trick so we won't get ripped off by the local service. The oven is only used for 3 years, I missed my old style oven, but we just can't get rid of our 虚荣心. I planned to invited some friends over, but so far, the plan has to be suspended.

Going to have a meeting ...

Our store

It was a lousy weekend. Why I said this:

On Saturday we were going out with a couple for branch in 客满厅。Nice restaurant except the couple paid for branch. The couple are my brother- ilow's friend. We were out for breakfast last time, and they were paid for it already, the reason we want to have a branch with them again is because we don't want to own them, but they paid again! Made us really 被动。

The good thing is, they are Christian and in a church which I went there before.

Base on my previous' couple of month's experience I decided to go to their church and take a look. Sunday's sermon experience was really good, haven't have such feeling for long time. The pastor was good, not excellent, but really not bad. A couple I met before was still there, and they were really kind to me, invite me to their fellowship ...

The main difference between ours and theirs is there are a lots of couple there, and most of the brothers are doing the service. Also there are some young people which are studying in the university. The pastor looks the same as I met him before, but seems becomes more humble. 岁月...

Another difference is not like ours, there are few old people in this church, most of them are like our age.

When I write on this, I remember that every church is God's place, I come there for God, not people, well not because most of people ... I am thinking to stay in there church.

Back to my weekend story, the guy was pretty friendly, insist to invite us to their place after Sunday's sermon when it around 5:00pm at night. If it's another person, I will refuse him with no doubt, but ... So I picked up LG and arrived his place at 6:00pm ish, we decided to go out for dinner ( I prepared the food to cook at home, but I have no choice) and I insist to pay for it, I feel I was like an idiot. The guy picked a cheap restaurant and we had a cheap dinner ... (I think we still own them a meal ... gosh!) I still can't not figured out what kind of guy he is and his wife, his wife seems easier, she is a 直销agent for Nuskin which is popular 直销 product in late 90s, some one tried to convince me to use and join them couple years before, but I have no interest in such job, at before they only have the 护肤品, but now they are released some pill for health like other product. The wife is an earlier sales, she is very mature, selling the point but not push me at all. She told me she earned couple of $10000 per month. I ...... who should I trust? Like I said I really can't tell what kind of these people are, from my previous experience , seems they are not the bad person, but just because my experience something is not usual, I don't know... any way, they going back to China and will back again, and we have to hook with them again, I guess.

Well not end of the store, the guy welcome us with the kufu tea ... nice tea, but I couldn't sleep during the whole night. I will never have the tea in the evening again!

Pray 1

Today, one of my friend some to our place with her 3 years baby. He is a quit boy but very active. The mother was upset because of tired. Her mother in law just went back to China, leave her take care of the baby alone. Her husband was busy on his business recently, and her 17 years girl doesn't like to ofter any help. We went out took a walk, she feels better when she left. As she said when you have the problem you talk to a friend.

But for me and my husband, we always handle it by ourself. We always feel sorry to bother others and when got in real trouble, we talk to God.

I feel it's not fair and tired to handle the trouble by self, but compare to other's appealing trouble, our trouble is hard to sharing with any one. And no one could help us out. At least we think in this way. The only one we can rely on, is my God. I barely share my problem with my family or my friends. Base on my many years experience or you can say feeling, my family barely help me when I got in trouble. So I have to plan anything without cause any trouble. I always feel not secure ...

As I said, every time I got upset or hopeless, I look upon the God. No one can understand how I rely and love him. My lord, you give me many thing, can I ask this one thing. I have the brave to have a baby in my age 42. Please bless me and help me go through with all those trouble, I have fear in my heart and tears in my eyes, the only thing I can do is too pray to you...

蝴蝶

我不喜欢蝴蝶，因为它太脆弱，花里胡哨的外表。乍看虽然美丽，生命却脆弱短暂。还是虫子变得...
那天在逛Mall， 墙壁上一组的壁画让我注意。画的是从虫子变成蝴蝶的过程。让我想起了人们常常用蛹变蝴蝶来比喻人的转变过程。
我觉得我现在就是那只虫子，打算爬出我的壳子，变成一只美丽的胡铁。（尽管我不喜欢，但我觉得这个比喻很好。）
据说虫子要咬破自己的壳再从地下爬出来。说的真容易啊，我觉得我要困在我的壳里爬不出去了。这个壳子好硬啊。我觉得我就像是那只虫子，开始的时候雄心万丈地打算咬破壳子，然后我就变成了让人羡慕的蝴蝶。（对了要的就是让人羡慕!?) 我可以穿这花哨的衣服，我可以飞到人和我想去的地方啊！~~~~
可是，我先要从这个壳子里爬出去啊，我去补习，去充电... 我的感觉还不错啊，学的东西我都会，虽说不能100%熟练掌握，至少我都明白个7，80啊。
等我的课上完了。我却迟迟没有动作，曾经看了看找工作的网站，一下又把我吓回去了。我觉得我好像站在一个路口，路口边立着一个挂满了路牌的柱子。上面指着各个不同的方向。
我东张西望，不知道该走那一条。又好像哪一条我都不胜任......我试着依靠别人，可那只能让我更失望。我已经疲倦了抱怨，发脾气，以为那样没有任何用处。这样也好，强迫我自己依靠我自己，这样我就没有任何人可抱怨的了。我继续学习，可我不知道从哪里下手，好像之前学的统统没有用了，也统统忘掉了 。我不知道如何是好，我的工作经验好像一点都帮不了我。我烦透了我的工作。......


我写了一大堆的抱怨，困难。可是我忽然想到，又能怎么样呢？我还是要拼命咬出我的壳子啊。抱怨，诉苦没有任何用处啊！
继续咬，咬到我死为止！

LG 失踪记

这个周末我们又去了上次野营的地方（fort ebey）。那里依山傍海，不仅景色优美，营地里还很安静。度过一个放松的周末，是再好不过的地方了。

在那里住了两个晚上，虽然有点下雨，我们觉得还是没住够，从我们住的地方，走不到半分钟就是海岸，在那里可以俯瞰大海，还能看到沿着海岸线翱翔的飞鹰（白头鹰，隼... 还有其他的大鸟, 这可是从上往下看哦！），盘旋的燕子，还有鹿！ 我还看到了一只小野兔子！城里人啊，呵呵。

以依依不舍离开了营地，开车打道回家，我们周一请了一天假，所以一路畅通无阻。谁知道到了Massytunnel， 正是下班时间，本来是来回各两条路，结果因为下班要疏通richmond的交通， 把我们这边的一条路变成了对面行使的路(counter float), 结果我们这边5条路并一条路，你就想想堵车的情景吧。还好这里不是中国，大家都很遵守规则，每个人都很谦让，就这样辗转腾挪，花了45分钟过了平时只用5分钟过的隧道。以前听说个这里的堵车，这次真的领教了。

回到richmond，还要去买菜和水果。结果到家已经6:00多了。卸车，把帐篷和其他的盖布摊开亮上，买的东西放冰箱，择菜做饭，等到吃完了饭已经7：30了。两个人都累得差不多了。可是院子里的花还没浇，铺开的东西还要收。 LG说了句我去吧，就义无反顾地出去了。我接着收拾厨房，准备明天上班的三明治...（如果再有个孩子的话 ... ）中间听到门铃一向，开门看却没有人，想想可能是电视的广告，累糊涂了...

收拾完屋里，我累得不行，把自己扔进沙发偷了一下懒。大概8：30左右，到后院准备帮忙，LG把帐篷已经收得差不多了，后院没人，估计他在前院浇花呢，我就自己收了阳蓬，其它的也不知道LG要怎么收，就想等他浇完了花和他一起收。进去看了会儿电视，结果人还没过来，去前院看，没人, 后院，也没人...可能和别人聊天去了（他平时很少和人聊得很长时间的，有也就是邻居）。我继续收拾，浇花，心里很不高兴... 可是又过了半个小时，还是没人，我心里开始发毛，出去看了看，整个小区安静的出奇，没有人聊天的迹象. 开始担心，在车库里和车里，家里的洗手间，犄角旮旯里寻找并叫LG的名字。没人！ 告诉自己没事，一会就会来了，回来后要严厉质问，谴责和批评他！ 又等了15分钟，没有回来的迹象，告诉自己不要慌，继续寻找并叫他的名字，开始猜测是不是晕在什么角落并察看各个角落，听到哭声，经辨认那时我自己的声音，告诉我自己现在还不能哭，穿戴整齐打算在小区里找找（没多大的地方），期间有教会的姐妹打电话过了核对事情，急急地应对完，也不敢和人家说，心里盘算着如果再找不到人要先给谁打电话... 在小区里转的时候看到了Robin和Yinna两个consul的成员在聊天，厚着脸皮问他们看没看见LG， Robin还和我开玩笑说Your husband is missing .... 现在想起来，我当时一定是够傻的。找了一圈，没有听见有人聊天的声音，家家户户露着平和灯光，和睦的关着门。回到家，越来越沉不住气了，开始哭泣，但是还坚持着收了收东西，告诉自己耐心等待，如果他回来，不会在指责批评 - 人回来就好。 人还是没回来，已经1：40分没见人了，心里彻底的毛了，各种人失踪的景象开始在心里作祟，告诉自己不能哭，不能哭。继续鼓起勇气，厚着脸皮走到Robin家，敲开大门，Robin走出来,我说：“ I know this is sounds silly, but I really can't find HSBD.” Robin 正是个大好人，马上安慰我说：“Don't worry, he is the treasure of the consul, someone must have him at home. Let's go to knock the doors.” 然后人家连鞋都没穿，先去个个consule家询问，没有。再到有可能的人家问,没有。我的头透彻地的大了，脑子里一片空白：上帝啊，我的人生难道就这么有戏剧性，老公就凭空没了? Robin 也有点慌了：“ Can he took a walk by himself? May be he went to ride the bicycle?” 我去检查了自行车，没人动。我告诉她"we just back from camping, he is really tired, he is going to put the stuff together then watering the garden .... he didn't take the cellphone, car key ... nothing .... how is possible ...." 我一定是有点要哭了，不能哭不能哭 脑袋了只有这个概念，其它都是一片空白。 继续挨家敲门：“sorry, is my husband at here? sorry to bother you ....” 我终于有机会认识小区的人了，人家马上就会知道孤苦伶仃的我的丈夫失踪了，呜呜呜哇哇哇...还不是哭的时候。由于我都不熟悉这些住户，都是Robin帮助我敲门询问（好人！），基本上敲开门时就失望了。这个时候，我听到了Robin说了句我觉得是最动听的话语:"He is here!" LG正从一户从来不和我们说话的中国人（我以为是韩国人呢）家里和女主人一起出来了！ 马上搂着Robin开始哭起来，Robin一定觉得我特神经（我自己也这么觉得呢）. 那个女主人连忙道歉，Robin也马上回家了，我觉得真实不好意思....连累了Robin， 害的人家连鞋都没穿 ....

回到家里，继续哭...估计LG也觉得我挺丢人的，还好他没说我什么，反而安慰了我半天。然后继续浇花，收拾东西，继续我的平淡生活 .....

水调歌头

大江歌罢掉头东

邃密前科济世穷

十年面壁图破壁

难酬蹈海以英雄

又一个周末

Who ever lives and believes in me will never die. （John: 11:25)

今天是星期六，之所以在第一句写下上面的话 , 是因为我们刚刚参加了一为教会伯伯的葬礼。在这位张伯伯的追思礼拜的单张上的第一句话就是这句。我看了深受感动。

张伯伯在教会里是个非常低调的人，为什么这么说，因为平时这位老伯伯（90多岁了）参加礼拜时，从来都是静静地听道，微笑地核每个人打招呼，仅此而已，从不说什么，也从不干预教会的事。每个人认识的张伯伯，只是个和蔼可亲的年纪大的老人家而已。如果不是这次我们教会的生命重建活动是，他因为身体问题不能参加，却为教会所有人在中午聚会的时候提供了午餐，甚至有的人都不熟悉他。

但就是这个张伯伯，我在看他的生平时，才知道这里个老人家曾经是台湾的农林厅长... 我们常说虚怀若谷，亲眼看到这位老人家。才知道什么是真正的down to earth.

如果换了在中国，一定又是另一番情景。也许是两国的体制差异吧？

我向来害怕参加葬礼，害怕瞻仰遗容。但是不得不说，基督徒的安息礼拜，真是安详平和，温馨感人。这里的礼拜堂也布置的平和温馨，丝毫没有给人葬礼的感觉。也许我们都相信，张伯伯已经回归到天家，和主在一起了。不知为什么，除了为失去亲人的张妈妈感到悲哀，我心里却有一种平安和喜乐，就像我刚才说的，我在心里觉得张伯伯真的去了上帝那里。再也没有肉体的拖累，人间的痛苦......

呵呵，有点老道了......

昨天在看生命选择里的一片文章时说道，好些人不愿成为基督徒，一个原因是怕自己成为宗教的信徒，我看了大有同感，我热爱上帝，但不想让别人认为我是个教迷。作者在文章里写道：

。。。

回来睡了一觉，晚上去朋友家吃饭！